While I am almost ashamed to admit it, I suppose I don't have a choice. After a disastrous attempt about a year ago and a lot conversations about it with my friends, I caved and downloaded Tinder. Again.
I suppose my curiosity got the better of me.
After ignoring the first ten attempts of a quick bootycall ("Hey pretty lady, let's play a game! The first one naked wins!" and "Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Tilda?") and a couple of good conversations, I noticed the pattern. The typical stereotypes of Tinder guys!
The Situation
I think we all know them. Lots and lots of shirtless pics. Most often the face is even excluded because all that matters is the six pack. And while I am not going to deny the fact that I really enjoy drooling over those rippling pectorals, conversation-wise these guys are often lacking. Albeit the perv-o-meter does not ring the alarms yet, much further than work-out routines and protein shakes you won't get with these guys. Some do tend to wander a bit into other sport disciplines, but I must admit that that is not a topic I am very well-versed in.
Gangster Squad
Hello Mr. Bad Boy, how are you doing today? While the era of tAlK!nG L!k d!S is luckily way way behind us (for most of us anyways), these are the type of guys you'd imagine staying stuck in those horrific patterns. Usually accompanied with sunglasses or a brooding frown into the camera, they have a closed stance with arms crossed over their chest, seemingly saying ARE U TALKING TO ME?! They can also be found on pictures with a group of equally brooding friends; the homies. Again, not for me, and if I am addressed with 'yo mama' one more time I will seriously throw a fit. While the quintessial bad boy can have a certain appeal to us ladies, strong and fit to protect us as they are (with a heavy load of problems for us to fix), the fascination soon wears off when you realize that these conversation partners leave a lot to be desired when you are not fluent in the appropriate slang.
There is no way in hell that you are 25.
I still have no clue how they do it, but it seems to be the case that somehow 40 year olds still think they can pose as 25 years old. It also works the opposite way with guys that are clearly not legal enough to be looking at, trying to come across as adults. The purpose of this seems pretty clear: scoring someone from the holy grail of age categories (20 to 25 years old). Also famous for using the pictures of well-known models (who they think us girls do not know, but come on now. The internet is our playground to be looking at handsome guys posing in their underwear). They are easy to spot though, even if you don't notice the distinct difference between the picture and the given age. Speech patterns are not something you can hide. My advice? Steer clear from these guys.
Sir Pervs-a-lot
Unfortunately these guys are not always easy to spot. They can be looking like Urkel, mountain trolls complete with excessive hair growth and demolished faces, or they can actually be attractive to look at. The bright side is however that they don't waste time on wasted small talk before showing their true colours. Conversations with this knight in dirty armour is usually short and to the point. "Wanna fuck" tends to be the politest of ways. If you are in dire need for a bootycall, these are the go-to guys, but remember that you don't know where the hell they have been.
The Ultimate Hipster
Okay so personally I can't help but bear a soft spot for these guys, despite their often pretentious attitudes. Any hipster reading this would ignite in hell's fire because they do not wish to be boxed in, but let's face it, you spot them from miles away. Often assissted by quotes from books that they probably have not read but do sound very intellectual, the ultimate hipster wears beanies and fedoras and has a lot of "artistic" photographs in which the sun tends to shine right in your face. They tend to write, make music, art or photographs and are the kind of people who like to sit down and debate the meaning of life. They are brilliant when you know what to talk about, or at least how to stand your ground in a proper discussion, but otherwise these are the people I'd advise you to skip.
Kurt Cobain Incarnated
My personal favourite, though they are damn hard to find. Treat these guys like the mystical unicorns of tinder land, because nine out of ten times you will not find them. Musician guys tend to be too no-nonsense for this kind of shit. Tattoo sleeves are highly desired with the incarnations, and you will soon discover that the multitude of their pictures are taken during gigs and jam sessions in which their faces are hardly visible. If you cannot stand talking about music for hours and you prefer to listen to people like One Direction and Miley Cyrus, this guy is probably not the type for you. For a girl like me though, it is like winning a billion dollars in the lottery.
Unbowed, unbent and unbroken
And last but not least, the guys who are simply on Tinder to have some fun. They come in all shapes and sizes, are not eagery fishing for anything, and when you ask them to answer Lewis' Carrolls riddle of a raven and a writing desk, they will come up with the craziest things and actually enjoy answering. They don't have to be attractive necessarily, because to be honest they don't need it. Their laidback behaviour and simple need for whimsical, nonsense conversations is enough to reel in most girls who are not looking to get married in an instant. Confidence and Charisma. The two most important C's. And those of you who don't appreciate a dorky guy: trust me, you're missing out.
All in all, I suppose it depends a bit on the type of person you are. As a girl who is actively embracing her inner geek, conversation is the most important thing. Guys who are not afraid to go along with my weirdness score the most plus points for their respective Hogwarts' Houses. As stupid as it might sound, when guys avidly continue to make the most horrid spelling and grammar mistakes, my skin starts crawling. I can't help it.
As it turns out, this is way more fun than I initially thought. If you go in with an open mind and don't expect anything more than a fun conversation, you'll do great.
If not, there is always someone of the third category ready to marry you in a blink.
I suppose my curiosity got the better of me.
After ignoring the first ten attempts of a quick bootycall ("Hey pretty lady, let's play a game! The first one naked wins!" and "Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Tilda?") and a couple of good conversations, I noticed the pattern. The typical stereotypes of Tinder guys!
The Situation
I think we all know them. Lots and lots of shirtless pics. Most often the face is even excluded because all that matters is the six pack. And while I am not going to deny the fact that I really enjoy drooling over those rippling pectorals, conversation-wise these guys are often lacking. Albeit the perv-o-meter does not ring the alarms yet, much further than work-out routines and protein shakes you won't get with these guys. Some do tend to wander a bit into other sport disciplines, but I must admit that that is not a topic I am very well-versed in.
Gangster Squad
Hello Mr. Bad Boy, how are you doing today? While the era of tAlK!nG L!k d!S is luckily way way behind us (for most of us anyways), these are the type of guys you'd imagine staying stuck in those horrific patterns. Usually accompanied with sunglasses or a brooding frown into the camera, they have a closed stance with arms crossed over their chest, seemingly saying ARE U TALKING TO ME?! They can also be found on pictures with a group of equally brooding friends; the homies. Again, not for me, and if I am addressed with 'yo mama' one more time I will seriously throw a fit. While the quintessial bad boy can have a certain appeal to us ladies, strong and fit to protect us as they are (with a heavy load of problems for us to fix), the fascination soon wears off when you realize that these conversation partners leave a lot to be desired when you are not fluent in the appropriate slang.
There is no way in hell that you are 25.
I still have no clue how they do it, but it seems to be the case that somehow 40 year olds still think they can pose as 25 years old. It also works the opposite way with guys that are clearly not legal enough to be looking at, trying to come across as adults. The purpose of this seems pretty clear: scoring someone from the holy grail of age categories (20 to 25 years old). Also famous for using the pictures of well-known models (who they think us girls do not know, but come on now. The internet is our playground to be looking at handsome guys posing in their underwear). They are easy to spot though, even if you don't notice the distinct difference between the picture and the given age. Speech patterns are not something you can hide. My advice? Steer clear from these guys.
Sir Pervs-a-lot
Unfortunately these guys are not always easy to spot. They can be looking like Urkel, mountain trolls complete with excessive hair growth and demolished faces, or they can actually be attractive to look at. The bright side is however that they don't waste time on wasted small talk before showing their true colours. Conversations with this knight in dirty armour is usually short and to the point. "Wanna fuck" tends to be the politest of ways. If you are in dire need for a bootycall, these are the go-to guys, but remember that you don't know where the hell they have been.
The Ultimate Hipster
Okay so personally I can't help but bear a soft spot for these guys, despite their often pretentious attitudes. Any hipster reading this would ignite in hell's fire because they do not wish to be boxed in, but let's face it, you spot them from miles away. Often assissted by quotes from books that they probably have not read but do sound very intellectual, the ultimate hipster wears beanies and fedoras and has a lot of "artistic" photographs in which the sun tends to shine right in your face. They tend to write, make music, art or photographs and are the kind of people who like to sit down and debate the meaning of life. They are brilliant when you know what to talk about, or at least how to stand your ground in a proper discussion, but otherwise these are the people I'd advise you to skip.
Kurt Cobain Incarnated
My personal favourite, though they are damn hard to find. Treat these guys like the mystical unicorns of tinder land, because nine out of ten times you will not find them. Musician guys tend to be too no-nonsense for this kind of shit. Tattoo sleeves are highly desired with the incarnations, and you will soon discover that the multitude of their pictures are taken during gigs and jam sessions in which their faces are hardly visible. If you cannot stand talking about music for hours and you prefer to listen to people like One Direction and Miley Cyrus, this guy is probably not the type for you. For a girl like me though, it is like winning a billion dollars in the lottery.
Unbowed, unbent and unbroken
And last but not least, the guys who are simply on Tinder to have some fun. They come in all shapes and sizes, are not eagery fishing for anything, and when you ask them to answer Lewis' Carrolls riddle of a raven and a writing desk, they will come up with the craziest things and actually enjoy answering. They don't have to be attractive necessarily, because to be honest they don't need it. Their laidback behaviour and simple need for whimsical, nonsense conversations is enough to reel in most girls who are not looking to get married in an instant. Confidence and Charisma. The two most important C's. And those of you who don't appreciate a dorky guy: trust me, you're missing out.
All in all, I suppose it depends a bit on the type of person you are. As a girl who is actively embracing her inner geek, conversation is the most important thing. Guys who are not afraid to go along with my weirdness score the most plus points for their respective Hogwarts' Houses. As stupid as it might sound, when guys avidly continue to make the most horrid spelling and grammar mistakes, my skin starts crawling. I can't help it.
As it turns out, this is way more fun than I initially thought. If you go in with an open mind and don't expect anything more than a fun conversation, you'll do great.
If not, there is always someone of the third category ready to marry you in a blink.