WARNING: this story contains triggers for suicide, abuse and delusions.
if you love me, you'll do this for me
The sun sets your skin ablaze on the day you first meet her eyes. Crystalline hues that trace every inch of your skin, like tiny finger prints that leave a dent on your being. She is hypnotic, the way her name glides over her tongue, circling through the air before settling down inside your ears where it echoes its content inside your mind. Dalia. With a name as exotic as its owner, it comes as no surprise to you that she poses a challenge, the first one you've had in years. Temperamental as the weather can be, Dalia floats between states of calm and happy, then torturous and sad. But pulling away seems to be pushed out of your rational brain the moment the thought arrives. The vixen that dances through your mind has no intention of leaving, and you find yourself willingly falling into her trap, over and over again.
Because she represents that what you could never have. Unchained by earthly tethers and void of human emotions such as shame, Dalia embodies the last of bricks of the barricade that guards your dreams, the ones you know you can never pursue. And yet while you despise her for her lack of inhabitions, the ones that hold you back every time, you simply cannot get enough of her. You cannot surpress the urge to run your fingers through those ebony locks, to run your thumb over the subtle curves of her full lips that seem to be forever plastered in that infuriating smirk. She mocks you, torments you, all the while pushing away your boundaries further and further. It goes by so slowly that you hardly notice.
With her you feel free. With her there is no care in the world, and she washes away your insecurities with each and every kiss, breaking your resistance so many times that you doubt you can deny her anything. But it does not matter. No, you cave for her every whim, enjoying the freefall of your times with her. Without her, your life feels empty, alone. None of your friends understand what you see in her, the girl who listens to hard rock and streaks for the sake of streaking. You don't expect them to, because they have been brought up the same way you have; strict and proper. There was always someone who could see, someone who could hear, and your family name being tarnished was the worst of crimes. All people see is the wealth, the ability to buy whatever your heart desires. They don't recognize the golden cage you have to submit yourself to in order to live the life they all want you to think you have.
But with Dalia there are no rules, no pretend. She makes no excuses for her actions, ignoring all responsibilites that people might want to lay upon her. If you want to spend your days in your underwear, watching How I met your Mother re-runs countless times, then you should. If you want to go out all night and sleep with every random stranger that catches your eye, then so you will. You are intoxicated by her, by her world and her view on life. Dalia does not just exist, she does not just survive.
No, Dalia simply lives.
the devil lives inside of you
Your obsession sets her free. Innocent at first, she pulls you in closer, out of the environment that keeps you both imprisoned and sane. You turn to her, focus on her, and shut out all the parts of the world that does not include her. We will be together forever, she says more times than you can count, forever in eternal bliss. Soon she is all you know, all you care about and you neglect others that might need your attention. The two of you isolate yourselves from the world and remain holed up in the apartment you share for as long as you possible can.
The devil lives inside of me she says for the first time when the two of you are watching the Exorcist on tv. Her voice is calm and collected as she speaks, her eyes empty and serious. It sounds alarming, and for the first time you wonder whether your friends are right, whether this girl is not simply too dangerous for you. But you're in too deep and as quickly as her words had come, they are gone again and she is acting like nothing happened. You brush it off as a joke, and you and Dalia continue your lives as if nothing happened. As if nothing changed.
The devil lives inside of me, and the tears stream down her beautiful face as she chokes out the words, trying to make you understand. You try to console her, but your words fall on deaf ears. You simply stand there, frozen in your place as she repeats the same words over and over again, pressing against your chest and then pushing you away again. Every instinct in your body tells you to run, to get away from her, but you find yourself inable to do so. This is the woman you love, the woman who set you free and opened up your life for the endless possibilities. You can't leave. You can't let her go. And for a brief moment you question your own thoughts, the voice of reason that tells you what she says is not true. The woman in front of you is not a liar, and even with your best intentions you can't make her one.
The devil lives inside of me! She yells for the umpteenth time as you refuse to listen. You stand silently in the wreckage of your home, watching your world fall and break all around you. She bombards you with her yells and hysteria, she throws stuff at you while you neglect fighting back. By now you have learnt that fighting back only makes it worse, and your own belief is wavering. A flash of glass passes your vision as she breaks her skin with a shard to show you, to demonstrate that what she says is the truth. The droplets are crimson as they fall on the floor, but as you look up, it does not seem to be her blood. No, you are sure it is not her blood. Because the blood that oozes from her mutilated skin is not red. It is pitch black.
And finally, you believe. The devil lives inside of her.
the devil lives inside of me
You haven't spoken to anyone but her for months. When forced into conversation at the supermarket, it is like you are still the same person you were before meeting her. You are charming and kind, and enjoy the smiles on people's faces when they laugh at your jokes. But at home, the darkness settles in once again. You can feel it pressing against your body, trying to find its way inside. It wants to devour you completely and you cannot let it win. But you also can't ignore the scratching on the walls, keeping you awake at night when you find sleep does not soothe the fear. It merely amplifies it. At times you find it hard to be near her, but Dalia reels you in again, needing your comfort now that you know the burden she carries. You resent her for making you this way, resent yourself for allowing yourself to be the plaything of this satanic girl. Yet when you hold her in your arms again, all seems fine in the world, and you don't know how fast you're falling. All you know is that you can't make it stop, even if you want to.
You don't realize you have already lost the war against the darkness until Dalia notices it. Her eyes grow wide with terror and she screeches words at you that you do not understand, words that make you shudder and flail uncontrollably. You have no control over your body, it simply happens. Her knuckles are white as they clutch around the wooden broomstick, beating you until you can no longer move. The blood that draws from your wounds is black as the night, and you can smell your own fear. When she calms down again, Dalia nurses you back to health and for a moment everything is normal again, just the way you started. You share kisses and touches, clinging to each other, because you both know. Now you too understand the feeling of the darkness that presses against your skull, that is a danger to all. He who will someday take you over, no matter how much you struggle.
The devil who lives inside of you.
if you love me, you'll do this for us
Your fingers are not shaking as you stand over her, yet for a moment you hesitate. It is like for a brief moment a small ray of light shines into the depths of the darkness, trying to return your sanity to you. Almost giving back the control of yourself. But the attempts are futile, the clouds in your mind too thick to penetrate. You know that it is too late for you to be saved, that it is too late for her to be saved. You know what you have to do, and you are not afraid.
Her eyes are pleading as she looks up at you, unable to speak the words. You know she's afraid that she'll alarm the creature that has inhabited her body, and that he'll flee before you can stop him. It is all written over her modelesque face, the desperation and the urgency. She does not understand why you're waiting, giving him an opportunity to escape. But you stay still and watch the woman you once loved so dearly, who had dragged you down into her doom before you had even realized what she was doing. And now? Now there was only one thing left to do. One final dance. One final game.
You lean down and kiss her, one last time, your mouths clashing together in a sloppy liplock. I love you, you say once again, but it sounds more like an 'I'll see you soon' every time you speak the words. Your fingers run through her dark hair before you sit up and she closes her eyes, waiting for what is to come. If you love me, you'll do this for us. It is swift and loud, and you hold her hand as she sinks back into the eternal sleep. For a second you envy her, how peaceful she looks, free once and for all. But then you realize it will all be over soon.
You shift, and your fingers set in motion a mechanical clicking noise. You press your eyes shut, and all that follows is a bang and then.. Then nothing. A gentle thud as your body collapses next to Dalia. Your blood that used to be black now mixed with hers, red once again. You are at peace, finally, for you realized a long time ago that no one is safe and that all you could do, was try to protect yourself and Dalia from the ominous truth.
The devil lives in all of us.
and only the darkness will finally set you free
if you love me, you'll do this for me
The sun sets your skin ablaze on the day you first meet her eyes. Crystalline hues that trace every inch of your skin, like tiny finger prints that leave a dent on your being. She is hypnotic, the way her name glides over her tongue, circling through the air before settling down inside your ears where it echoes its content inside your mind. Dalia. With a name as exotic as its owner, it comes as no surprise to you that she poses a challenge, the first one you've had in years. Temperamental as the weather can be, Dalia floats between states of calm and happy, then torturous and sad. But pulling away seems to be pushed out of your rational brain the moment the thought arrives. The vixen that dances through your mind has no intention of leaving, and you find yourself willingly falling into her trap, over and over again.
Because she represents that what you could never have. Unchained by earthly tethers and void of human emotions such as shame, Dalia embodies the last of bricks of the barricade that guards your dreams, the ones you know you can never pursue. And yet while you despise her for her lack of inhabitions, the ones that hold you back every time, you simply cannot get enough of her. You cannot surpress the urge to run your fingers through those ebony locks, to run your thumb over the subtle curves of her full lips that seem to be forever plastered in that infuriating smirk. She mocks you, torments you, all the while pushing away your boundaries further and further. It goes by so slowly that you hardly notice.
With her you feel free. With her there is no care in the world, and she washes away your insecurities with each and every kiss, breaking your resistance so many times that you doubt you can deny her anything. But it does not matter. No, you cave for her every whim, enjoying the freefall of your times with her. Without her, your life feels empty, alone. None of your friends understand what you see in her, the girl who listens to hard rock and streaks for the sake of streaking. You don't expect them to, because they have been brought up the same way you have; strict and proper. There was always someone who could see, someone who could hear, and your family name being tarnished was the worst of crimes. All people see is the wealth, the ability to buy whatever your heart desires. They don't recognize the golden cage you have to submit yourself to in order to live the life they all want you to think you have.
But with Dalia there are no rules, no pretend. She makes no excuses for her actions, ignoring all responsibilites that people might want to lay upon her. If you want to spend your days in your underwear, watching How I met your Mother re-runs countless times, then you should. If you want to go out all night and sleep with every random stranger that catches your eye, then so you will. You are intoxicated by her, by her world and her view on life. Dalia does not just exist, she does not just survive.
No, Dalia simply lives.
the devil lives inside of you
Your obsession sets her free. Innocent at first, she pulls you in closer, out of the environment that keeps you both imprisoned and sane. You turn to her, focus on her, and shut out all the parts of the world that does not include her. We will be together forever, she says more times than you can count, forever in eternal bliss. Soon she is all you know, all you care about and you neglect others that might need your attention. The two of you isolate yourselves from the world and remain holed up in the apartment you share for as long as you possible can.
The devil lives inside of me she says for the first time when the two of you are watching the Exorcist on tv. Her voice is calm and collected as she speaks, her eyes empty and serious. It sounds alarming, and for the first time you wonder whether your friends are right, whether this girl is not simply too dangerous for you. But you're in too deep and as quickly as her words had come, they are gone again and she is acting like nothing happened. You brush it off as a joke, and you and Dalia continue your lives as if nothing happened. As if nothing changed.
The devil lives inside of me, and the tears stream down her beautiful face as she chokes out the words, trying to make you understand. You try to console her, but your words fall on deaf ears. You simply stand there, frozen in your place as she repeats the same words over and over again, pressing against your chest and then pushing you away again. Every instinct in your body tells you to run, to get away from her, but you find yourself inable to do so. This is the woman you love, the woman who set you free and opened up your life for the endless possibilities. You can't leave. You can't let her go. And for a brief moment you question your own thoughts, the voice of reason that tells you what she says is not true. The woman in front of you is not a liar, and even with your best intentions you can't make her one.
The devil lives inside of me! She yells for the umpteenth time as you refuse to listen. You stand silently in the wreckage of your home, watching your world fall and break all around you. She bombards you with her yells and hysteria, she throws stuff at you while you neglect fighting back. By now you have learnt that fighting back only makes it worse, and your own belief is wavering. A flash of glass passes your vision as she breaks her skin with a shard to show you, to demonstrate that what she says is the truth. The droplets are crimson as they fall on the floor, but as you look up, it does not seem to be her blood. No, you are sure it is not her blood. Because the blood that oozes from her mutilated skin is not red. It is pitch black.
And finally, you believe. The devil lives inside of her.
the devil lives inside of me
You haven't spoken to anyone but her for months. When forced into conversation at the supermarket, it is like you are still the same person you were before meeting her. You are charming and kind, and enjoy the smiles on people's faces when they laugh at your jokes. But at home, the darkness settles in once again. You can feel it pressing against your body, trying to find its way inside. It wants to devour you completely and you cannot let it win. But you also can't ignore the scratching on the walls, keeping you awake at night when you find sleep does not soothe the fear. It merely amplifies it. At times you find it hard to be near her, but Dalia reels you in again, needing your comfort now that you know the burden she carries. You resent her for making you this way, resent yourself for allowing yourself to be the plaything of this satanic girl. Yet when you hold her in your arms again, all seems fine in the world, and you don't know how fast you're falling. All you know is that you can't make it stop, even if you want to.
You don't realize you have already lost the war against the darkness until Dalia notices it. Her eyes grow wide with terror and she screeches words at you that you do not understand, words that make you shudder and flail uncontrollably. You have no control over your body, it simply happens. Her knuckles are white as they clutch around the wooden broomstick, beating you until you can no longer move. The blood that draws from your wounds is black as the night, and you can smell your own fear. When she calms down again, Dalia nurses you back to health and for a moment everything is normal again, just the way you started. You share kisses and touches, clinging to each other, because you both know. Now you too understand the feeling of the darkness that presses against your skull, that is a danger to all. He who will someday take you over, no matter how much you struggle.
The devil who lives inside of you.
if you love me, you'll do this for us
Your fingers are not shaking as you stand over her, yet for a moment you hesitate. It is like for a brief moment a small ray of light shines into the depths of the darkness, trying to return your sanity to you. Almost giving back the control of yourself. But the attempts are futile, the clouds in your mind too thick to penetrate. You know that it is too late for you to be saved, that it is too late for her to be saved. You know what you have to do, and you are not afraid.
Her eyes are pleading as she looks up at you, unable to speak the words. You know she's afraid that she'll alarm the creature that has inhabited her body, and that he'll flee before you can stop him. It is all written over her modelesque face, the desperation and the urgency. She does not understand why you're waiting, giving him an opportunity to escape. But you stay still and watch the woman you once loved so dearly, who had dragged you down into her doom before you had even realized what she was doing. And now? Now there was only one thing left to do. One final dance. One final game.
You lean down and kiss her, one last time, your mouths clashing together in a sloppy liplock. I love you, you say once again, but it sounds more like an 'I'll see you soon' every time you speak the words. Your fingers run through her dark hair before you sit up and she closes her eyes, waiting for what is to come. If you love me, you'll do this for us. It is swift and loud, and you hold her hand as she sinks back into the eternal sleep. For a second you envy her, how peaceful she looks, free once and for all. But then you realize it will all be over soon.
You shift, and your fingers set in motion a mechanical clicking noise. You press your eyes shut, and all that follows is a bang and then.. Then nothing. A gentle thud as your body collapses next to Dalia. Your blood that used to be black now mixed with hers, red once again. You are at peace, finally, for you realized a long time ago that no one is safe and that all you could do, was try to protect yourself and Dalia from the ominous truth.
The devil lives in all of us.
and only the darkness will finally set you free